Think about the last time someone said something that got under your skin.
Maybe it was in a meeting. Maybe it was at home. Maybe it was a text that hit wrong.
What happened next?
If you're like most of us, your brain told a story. Fast. Before you even realized it. And that story drove your response. You snapped back. Shut down. Got defensive. Fired off a reply you wish you could take back.
Here's what I've been working on that I want to share with you.
The Choice Moment
There's a sequence that plays out dozens of times a day. Most of the time you don't even notice it.
Something happens. (The stimulus.)
Your brain immediately creates a story about what it means. (The story.)
Then there's a pause. Maybe a second or two. (The choice moment.)
You respond. And that response creates a result.
Here's the thing. You can't control the stimulus. You can't always control the story your brain tells. But you can learn to catch that pause. That tiny gap between the story and your response.
That's the choice moment. And it changes everything.
Fear isn't the problem
I used to think fear was the enemy. Something to push through or ignore.
I don't believe that anymore.
Fear is a signal. It means something important is happening. The real problem isn't the fear. It's the story your brain attaches to it.
Your boss gives you tough feedback. The story your brain tells: "They don't think I'm good enough." That story drives a defensive response. And the result? A conversation that goes sideways.
But what if you caught the story before it drove the response?
One question
Here's the practical tool. When you feel fear or pressure rising, pause and ask yourself one question:
Who do I want to be in this moment?
Calm. Curious. Courageous. Direct. Supportive.
Pick one. Just one.
Because identity drives behavior. When you decide who you want to be before you respond, the response usually takes care of itself.
Where I see this
I see this everywhere now. Coaching executives through hard conversations. On the soccer field with my daughter's team. In my own house when something catches me off guard.
The leaders I work with who get this — who learn to catch the choice moment — they create completely different outcomes. Not because they're smarter or calmer by nature. Because they've trained themselves to pause for two seconds and choose.
Two seconds.
That's the difference between reacting and leading.
Your week
You're going to have a choice moment this week. Probably today. Something will happen that triggers a story. You'll feel the pressure rise.
When it does, try this. Don't fight the fear. Don't ignore the story. Just pause and ask: Who do I want to be right now?
See what happens when you choose before you respond.
Leadership isn't defined by the big decisions. It's defined by hundreds of small moments where you had a choice, and you made it with intention.
Talk soon, Jon
P.S. I built a simple framework around this called The Choice Moment Framework. If you want to go deeper, you can check it out here.
Until next week,
Jon