You know that feeling when something lands on you one week and then just keeps showing up everywhere the next?
That's been my week. And I think what I'm learning might matter for you too.
Quick backstory
If you caught last week's newsletter, you know Alan Stein Jr. came and spoke to my son Gabe's basketball team about the Next Play mindset. The idea that whatever just happened, good or bad, is done. Let it go. Be where your feet are. Focus on what's next.
That concept was still bouncing around in my head when something happened on the soccer field that connected the dots in a way I wasn't expecting.
Here's what happened
I'm coaching my daughter Emerson's indoor soccer team right now. 6th and 7th grade girls. And if you've ever watched youth soccer, you know the default. Ball comes to a kid, pressure shows up, and they just boot it. Kick it as far as they can. Doesn't matter where. Just get rid of it.
I get why they do it. It feels safe. It avoids the mistake. But here's the thing. It also avoids the growth.
So I've been teaching these girls something different. When you get the ball, don't panic. Trap it. Take a touch. Look up. Scan the field. See who's open. Then try to make the right pass.
Will you lose the ball sometimes? Yeah. But you're making a play, not just reacting.
One of the girls tried it during a game this week. She trapped it under pressure, looked up, tried to find the pass. Lost it.
She looked at me like she was about to get yelled at.
I gave her a fist bump. "That's the play. Do it again."
You should've seen the shift. She played completely different the rest of the game. Looser. More confident. More willing to try things.
So why am I telling you this?
Because I think there's something here for you. And it goes beyond soccer and basketball.
Think about your week. Think about the people around you. At work. At home. Wherever.
How many of them are just kicking the ball? Not because they don't know better, but because they're afraid of what happens if they try the right play and it doesn't work out?
And here's the harder question: What kind of environment are you creating for them?
Because here's what I'm learning, and I mean really learning, not just knowing intellectually but actually feeling it in the work I'm doing right now.
People don't perform their best when they're afraid of making mistakes. They perform their best when someone believes in them.
That girl didn't need a better drill or a louder coach. She needed a fist bump at the right moment.
The ratio that changes everything
The Gottman Institute Research talks about a 5 to 1 ratio. For every piece of constructive or critical feedback to actually land, you need five positive interactions. Five. That's a lot.
Think about that in your own life for a second. At work, are you anywhere close to 5 to 1 with your team? At home, with your spouse or your kids?
Most of us aren't. Not because we're bad people. Because we're busy. We're under pressure. We're focused on what needs to be fixed instead of what's going well.
But without that trust built up, the hard conversations don't land. People shut down. They go back to just kicking the ball.
Here's what I'd challenge you to do this week
Pick one of these. Just one.
Help someone move to their next play. You probably know someone who's stuck right now. Replaying a miss. A lost deal. A tough conversation. A bad quarter. You don't need to fix it for them. Just help them see that the next play is the only one that matters now.
Give someone a fist bump. And I mean that literally or figuratively. Not a scheduled meeting. Not a formal review. Just a moment where you look someone in the eye and say, "I see what you're doing. It matters. Keep going." You'd be amazed how far that goes.
Tell someone you believe in them. This one's personal. I don't just mean someone at work. I mean your kid who's having a rough stretch. Your spouse who's carrying more than they're showing. A friend who's in a hard season. Look them in the eye and say four words: "I believe in you." No agenda. No fixing. Just that. People carry those words longer than you'd ever guess.
The bigger picture
I'm learning this stuff in real time. Coaching these girls. Working with executives. Trying to be a better dad and husband. And the thread that keeps showing up is the same one.
The energy you bring into a moment matters more than the strategy you bring into a room.
Slow down. See what's in front of you. Make the right play, not the fast one. And when someone around you tries the right play and it doesn't work out perfectly, be the person who gives them a fist bump instead of a lecture.
That's it. Be that person for someone. With intention.
Talk soon,
Jon
Until next week,
Jon